Sometimes, I just want to just rip the bacteria out of my gut, enlarge them so I can actually see them, and then yell at them for screwing with my head (and smack them around a little for good measure).
One of these days I’ll write a proper post about how your little gut monsters can make you stressed and anxious and pessimistic and just downright depressed, but for now, suffice it to say that they can. Oh, they can indeed.
You see, I’m typically a pretty happy, driven, focused individual. I’m optimistic about life, I know how to handle stress, and I know how to get sh*t done when it needs to get done.
But if I eat something I’m not supposed to, or don’t take probiotics for too long, or (god forbid) do anything to try and get rid of the little buggers who keep causing me digestive problems, BAM! All of a sudden I’m a mess. My brain just completely stops functioning properly. I suddenly feel like everything in my life sucks, even though nothing has changed.
It becomes essentially impossible to get anything done. The simplest tasks seem overwhelming, and my brain decides that a better use of its energy is to internally recite a mantra along the lines of “I hate everything,” or sometimes just “everything sucks.”
The worst part (or the best part; I haven’t decided yet) is that I KNOW what’s happening. I can almost always point my finger exactly at what is making me feel this way, and I know that in a day or two, it will be gone and I’ll feel normal again. I’ll be happy. Everything won’t suck. But it almost doesn’t matter, because in the midst of it, I’m depressed enough that I can’t fully comprehend feeling like my life is good ever again. Weird, right?
Mostly, this is a rant/vent post, because it sucks to emerge from a day or two of this and encounter the pile of life that I’m now behind on. It also sucks because this happens pretty much any time I try something new that might help me in the long run. New probiotic? Yep. New antimicrobial or prebiotic? You bet. Even upping my fermented foods will do it. So basically, in order to even try to get myself better, I have to subject myself to complete brain malfunction on a regular basis. And honestly, who has time for that? Not me. I’m actually currently scheduling my life around when I can try out a new probiotic I got in the mail last week, because I know I can’t do it anywhere close to when I have an exam or a deadline.
So anyway. That’s what’s going on with me. If you (or anyone you know) has ever dealt with something similar, please, for the love of gut bugs, leave a comment so I don’t feel like such a weirdo.